Oh boy!  I really mess up!   Yes. I really got a big bang on my brain tonight.  And it’s all my fault.  Of all the ‘why’s…??? ’  this is the huge one!  I should have listened to my senses!  Oh  holy cat…!    Know what I did?  I let that great heroic cooperation rule my brain!   And how it works! Ironic isn’t it?  I  selflessly did cooperate and I ended up washing out my confidence and left me feeling so ..cold..?

It was our Filipino X-mas party last night and did a number.  It’s not really a dance number but it requires steppings.   I did not volunteer of course.  It was an accident.  A week before that, we had our practice for the Tagalog choir in our house. From there, it was decided that we will perform in the X-mas party after that mass.  Not everybody attended that choir  practice so  my name echoed  as a  ‘no choice’ participant and  was listed in their brain register.  I thought it would be right  to cooperate since not only that  me and my husband  are the household leader which we must always say  ‘Yes Lord’.. but also, it was quite a time that I’ve been away and had not attended any of the CFC’s activities.   There and then we did the steppings  of which for the first time since my high-school I will be doing a  brave act  of doing it in front of people (…ohh  if only in front of my pets..). 

Then that day came…  I thought everything will be fine.  But it didn’t.  Plus the mere fact of knowing that they had their practice the day before made me feel more shattered and uncertain-  tho not their fault guys.  They sent text message to my husband, only it was not relayed to me.— … as I was saying… and that moment came… yes mama mia!  my anxiousness and lack of confidence showed off more than anything else on the actual presentation  I lost my grace in dancing  I know my steps did ok because I am also facing the direction as they did, but…. Just the same… and I know … am not fit to face people in that manner… again!

Lord, I know you’re smiling at me on how I feel.  But I blew off that ‘freedom of choice’ you’ve given me.  I chose cooperation.. and left me feel uncomfortable.    Just take it away  Lord ok?  I know that the people’s eyes were not glued at me… but ..ooooh  just take it out Lord please….

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Hi Guys!!!  Nice to be back.  And what a comeback message I got, right?  It’s nice you’re there coz I had again this chance of opening up straight from my heart.