Ash Wednesday’s    calling ….

    Before,  as I can recall it was,   ‘You are from dust and to dust you shall return.’

          Now, it is…'Repent &  believe in the Gospel.’

I prefer my daily way of life to be governed by the first…that I came from dust  and  will return to dust.   Thus, I know…that whatever I have and will have in this life,  is totally meaningless and worthless  at the end.  That no matter what I achieve… no matter  how  good I define my life  with possessions, talents,  fame and principles..  when at the end... when I return to dust…  all that I  had labored and fought to the end.. will all be left behind. 

I only have one soul,  one so precious… my sole offering to the Father. It’s all that I can take from that dust.  If I lost it in this life,  then I can’t find it in eternal life.  I can’t use anybody’s soul to save mine. Neither my mother’s --  who would willingly give anything for me… nor any of my children’s -- no matter how pure their souls may be.  So I am entirely responsible to shield it not to be tainted or destroyed… so my offering would be acceptable when that day comes.

But alas!  The task ain’t that easy.  I have my misgivings… my share of  putting cracks in my soul with sins --  pride, stubbornness and  disobedience as handy tools are inevitable.   How many cracks, I lost count… all I know,  my soul persist to stand! … patiently waiting  for the day until I succumb to my desire….to restore it. 

Thus, for the restoration of my soul,  Loving Father, I answer to your second calling…. ‘Repent .. and believe in the Gospel’

       Jesus…. I am sorry for my sins that caused your sufferings and death.  May your mercy and grace  give me a new  birth of faith that would lead me to your kingdom… Amen.

SWEET LITTLE TWEETY IS ANGRY!   Surprisingly!  i was amused seeing a  sweet little birdie being angry!  Coz all these times...it had slipped from my mind considering them to have the same emotions as we have, humans.  Opps!... now i am not sure if they are also anxious where to get food...how to feed their families.. as they are the BEST examples  portrayed in the bible who worries on nothing!

So little birdie.... what cause that little eyes of yours to be angry..?  are your little ones as stubborn as ours? ... or, maybe your nest is not in good shape when you came home, huh?.   Well, whatever that is that caused you to be upset, you just gave me one simple realization today... that creatures, great and small... have the same emotions just like me... and that,... how sweet they may be known,  there will always be unguarded moments just like this.

Well, it's okey little tweety... in this kind of world we're in...who could stay smiling and sweet..?   

                                  (this pic is taken from the internet)

          Rations beneath the waves…

One can never expect that beneath the roaring waves that endlessly dances along the beach are rations from above to those who labor… with  just a  little effort of feeling it by your feet, and picking it up!   If in the olden times, it was manna from heaven… in my time today… the manna came from the sea…. washed to the shore….and we simply call it HALA-AN!

As early as 5:00am of June 18, 2011, -- in fact, I miss  my evening sleep just to make sure that I will be on time when the water will slip far back to give way to its offering—off I went to the beach –my second time-- along with my half-sleep-ever-supportive-husband with his camera and me, with mystrainer and a plastic box container... and... one big pillow in case my  husband decides to continue his sleep while waiting..

The place is so serene….and taking time standing  before this place.. mesmerized by its beauty and aloneness,  you can’t only  feel the joy of looking forward for the harvest… but also the serenity of the place brings you closer to the great PROVIDER.  This beauty in front of me is often taken for granted… sometimes abused.  But today is my moment to savor it and claim just a little part of its richness.

And as my feet touches the shallow water, I felt the happy waves came rushing to my feet  that seems to give me a big welcome for this unusual union.  With smile on my face… I feel their waters… as if patting their faces telling them that indeed  I am so pleased to be in union with them too!   And from that moment on… man and sea  shares the  same respect  and passion  to give what one upholds.   I began  to  feel and pick the  very object of my coming, while the waves continue to give way to my liking.

I just can’t help praising God during the harvest… I laugh alone as I grab down that  smooth solid thing that touches my feet…sometimes alone… but oftentimes in group!  It makes my heart leap when my hands can’t cope up the abundance that surpasses my grip.  Huh! the waves even takes time to play with me!  ...snatching naughtily what’s in my hand  that often times  left me giving out a big sigh...but... to my surprise, pushes it back for me to pick it up… sometimes shoving me a little hard that throws my hand high to make a balance and showers me wet!   I really have a marvelous time!   I don’t have only a full load of hala-an…but a joyful  heart sharing the moment with God and to the steward of the deep.

For others, it may be as simple as going and taking.   But this day is different for me… it’s an uplifting short experience to affirm once again… how generous and how so full of surprises our awesome God is…  Out of the vastness of this wide strip… beyond our naked eyes…blanketed with thin sands and lovingly guarded by the roaring waves…lies the ration  that God so provides for everyone…

And this is my catch!   and i invite you as i prepare it for my table...

 a) keep it for a while inside the container with sea water so they could 'throw-up'the sands inside them.

   b)  see what i mean?  so take from the container and wash thoroughly.

   c) Saute garlic, ginger, tomato and onions..then drop the hala-an and mix  for a while...

d)  cover the pot for 5 minutes...  and VIOLA..!   it's done!

                                              OR,  

                           you can have it with SOTANGHON 

...either way.... both are sooo  delicious!!!!

  " Indeed Oh Lord, bless this food that we are about to partake from   Your bounty, thru Christ our Lord...AMEN"

Today, we say .... Life is beautiful... I know.  but ...till when?   maybe when you're nearing your way to your twilight zone... then  life becomes so sensitive, dry, boring, ....and .CHILLING...! 

There comes a time when you feel that the world is young...where we are at the peak of making dreams.. high hopes... that everything seems to be a source of inspiration even at the height of our crisis.  There is that amazing strength coming from within us that sees no bounderies whatever pains and trials comes our way.  Everything seems so temporary and seems to last only for seconds for that strange vigor to come back anew. 

There  is also that time that our whole life is so full of motivations focusing mostly to varied directions... our health ... our family... our children... our plans.. our hobbies... and above all.. that so-called future that everyone worked so hard to attain.  The future that often pictures the good life for our children.. the realization of our dreams.   It seems so easy by then.  Our  body is competent enough  and the joys felt from our children's embrace, support from our loved ones and friends uplift  us all the time from our sadness, failures and enchances our energy to bounce back towards our life's objective.            But.... that was then..

How tricky life can be... i thought as i grow in age... i can achieve more than each of my 'last year'.. as wisdom they say comes by age .. and each day's experiences makes us wiser and stronger  by the next sunrise.  I might had gained wisdom all these years from shcools, books, from what i saw and shared with people that surrounds me, and from the products of my own daily struggles in this life's jungle.  I might have thought then that if i'd  been happy in my younger years..how much more with the years to come?  After all, my life is in full-gear as to say.    

But, it's not.  coz finally THIS time  comes  when reality takes over our dreams... reality took reigns in our hopes... and sources of inspirations shrinks.  the flow of that amazing strenght continues,  but this time, mostly if not only.. for survival!   As  the world grows old..inevitably, our elders, whose been our corner stone.. slowly  left us one by one back to our Maker... leaving a void each time in our hearts.   We crawl to memories to bring them back during our sadness.. and ends up missing them more.  Time can't stop our children to grow so the cycle of life will continue.  As they continue to grow... that part of the cycle we once enjoyed most... becomes theirs.  And the once part of our elders... becomes ours.

This is the time i contradict with that long belief that the AGE OF ADOLESCENCE is the only confusing stage of man.  It's not!  There's a second and most delicate and severe.  it is the time nearing to our twilight zone... when our body can no longer comprehends with our mind.  When we wish things done but our body won't listen.  When some words or even names of our best friends and loved ones just stopped right at the tip of our tongue leaving us oftentimes in an awkward situation.  When we are mistakenly accused of being dishonest, careless and liars  purely because we simply forgot.  When our children became geniuses and we became dumb.  When we feel so alone  because everybody are busy with their lives and  being with us is no longer a  part of their 'precious time'.   When love and care now depends on how much money you have in your pocket.  When we became  a burden and are constantly reminded how expensive we became when we're sick and needs medications.  When we became stranger to those whom we shared our life with.  When our eyes refuse to see further and deprived us the beauty of God's creation.  ... and worst, at the end, of all the things we acquired all these years from our dreams, sweats and sacrifices , we are now allowed to possess  only ... and nothing but a ..bed!

CHILLING  moments... these are not all.. there's more on the list.  Some might be starting now in your life, as it is in mine.  Some might be later.  We might have it all or lucky to avoid some... but these chilling moments are there waiting for us... as we enter the  next dimension of our life.

Yes, teens might have their share of confusion... but they have the luxury  of strong body and will to overcome it.  they have years ahead of them to mellow, change, understand and progress.      Us?...  can't fight more with our body and.. our confused minds will just continue to seek the right answer as to ...'WHY THINGS HAVE TO TURN OUT THIS WAY..?

If there is any strenght left for us in our later years... it would only be our faith to God, our Maker... and a wish that we could reach His HOME ... without further delay.

              MY HIDING PLACE 

I once need a place.... a sanctuary to run to when the world seems to stand still.   When everything seems to shut down and only darkness fills every moment... when the light of hope seems to run out beyond the vastness of this world's horizon.     

           .. And  after searching for quite so long.... I finally found this place ...somewhere far beyond that line in the sandy beach where waves never rest to kiss its  bounderies.   And by its side, lies quitely an old uprooted tree---- aged, refined and beautifully scupltured by time, tossed over and over again by the playful waves perfecting its shape.   It seems to be waiting for me for quite a time.... it seems to be mystically prepared for my coming... a seat whenever my heart needs a rest from this complicated world... a world that seems so happy to make everyone crazy and restless in coping up its unending longings and wishes. 

             I now have this place that nobody else knew.... where i always  come whenever my heart is filled with tears, weariness, fears, pains, disappointments... and even questions.   Yes, i seldom come when i am happy because happiness is easily shared.   But not my emptiness... coz not everybody  needs a burden... not everyone has time... not everyone understands.. nor interested of my brokenness.

              All the while, i thought i am alone in this place... i thought, all i have is my loneliness.  But i was wrong.   I found and befriended SOMEONE who is so perfect in making me whole... someone who became MY ALL.   He's always waiting for me... in good times,   but expecting me more in my worst times.   He always welcomes me... eagerly meeting me each time with open arms and tenderly guides me towards that old uprooted tree where we sat together.  His hands on my shoulder, drawing me closer to Him..... no words,  only silence.... only COMFORT.    And far beyond, we look together the beautiful sunset...the orange sun slowly diving into the zone of the blue water.   its radiance slowly... slowly  creates  sparkles...then comes the new colors as the blue of the sea draws apart to welcome it to its midst.    So beautiful!

             Soon,  it will be dark again.... either in this place ... or in my life.  But who cares?  As long as i have this hiding place.... as long as i have this assuring hand on my shoulder that  WILL NEVER LEAVE ME....  again, who cares?

               JESUS.... I love you.   thank you for giving me this wonderful place where i can only share with anyone but YOU!

Election day is coming. Soon we will know who will govern these millions of people who put their trust on that simple ballot box.  The 'I swear... I promise... 'you-can-take-it-to-the-bank'  thing, the free lunch or noodles  budget for the poor, a car budget to the influential average, a million bucks budget  for big stars, and much more, will soon be over.  At the end, as people clean the streets, the walls, the posts, of those tons and tons of litters left behind, one can only wonder... if only these millions worth of  litters were given to the poor...and, ... if only the people of the early generation stood up in dignity and cast their votes for free... then, in our time today, we could still have the true essence of election.

Now, one must only be wealthy or famous to join the arena. It doesn't matter anymore if one understands or even read by heart our constitution.  Voters became blind of the dynamics of a true politician.  Just like they're blinded by the 'election-generosity fund', the 'election-humility' act, and the famous 'for-election-only-promises' agenda.  Election now became a very lucrative business.  Money and favors are the key investments that would reverse the flow after the election.  Campaigning is just a marketing strategy and the 'I promise this and that..' is just but advertisement.  Of course, we might still have a real true conscience-driven politicians, who really have the sincerity to govern the people... but can we identify them?  do they have red marks on their foreheads so undoubtedly, we could  choose them?  for everybody seems to play the same tune.  The whole country  will never know until it's too late, that is, after we had chosen the wrong ones.

What we can foresee is, after this election, again.. as people clean the streets, the walls, the posts, of those tons and tons of litters... unworthy politicians will, at the same time, starts to do their own cleaning too.   They empty their bags of promises... they clean their numbers that the once 'always available to the people', became invisible... and, eventually... clean their memory of the people whom they don't need anymore,  and start a new list of people who could bring them more power.

The street cleaners will  take so much time in cleaning the election mess, but an unworthy elected candidate can clean their political convictions much easier and ..in much speed!!!

Long way back long .. long .. long time ago… i’ve been dreaming of baking a cake.!  At a time, I can’t coz I got no oven.  Oven came… still haven’t have the guts to try.  Already got a book for baking, etc… collected more recipes for cakes….  But still hindered by the simple dumb thought that the cake might not rise!  Ok..someday when I have the real time to digest all these baking terms I’m encountering! … or…mmaybe waiting for the price of eggs to come down?     For many years this dream of baking a cake is just as elusive as my dream of harvesting a tomato from my own garden!    Then, one day I got a better  and bigger oven in Davao.  My thought became delirious that at last!  I really can bake now!  Plus, I have  the time ‘coz I now became a plain housewife.  I can’t remember the occasion at that time when I bravely followed Nora Daza’s Chocolate chiffon cake.  And yes, a part is as soft as marsmallow, while some  other parts have the texture of a monay!  Though became undesirable to humans,  my ever loyal pets had showed their unending support by  licking the last crumb into their mouth.  Owww…. Aren’t they sweet?    And yes!  That was  my first and last try!   That day.. my admiration to those cake bakers rose up to the sky!  I say…my gosh!  they’re genius! How did they do it?

Though I was traumatized by my first try, it didn’t stopped me to include them in collecting recipes…. and continue nurturing my desire.   Then at last, this Christmas, Santa found his way by our doorstep and handed me a new oven!  and my  fairy godmother lent me her  magic wand  just in case.   Yah.  The added years to my age made me confident.   I prepared carefully all my ingredients… putting them in a platter or bowl individually just like I saw in the TV…    and ok.!  All is set.

But guys… before I did the mixing and adding….  this time, i did not commit the same mistake  I did during my first trial.  This time… I prayed.   I offered my   preparation to the Lord and  ask Mama Mary to guide my hands.   And she did!    And after  more than 10 years….. I can say HURRAY!!!!!  For I baked perfectly my own chiffon cake!  Both  orange and chocolate!   And you know what it means?  … now, I too became a genius! ..can’t believe it… My gosh!!!      And I will tell you the secret…   ‘ I’ve learned to know how to correct my first mistake, when I joined the Couples For Christ. Thanks to this community for teaching me so much simple…but nurturing facts of  life…’ ’   

What happened to my other elusive tomato dream?   I’ll tell you soon….

I was calling my cat by the door to come inside but  there’s no sign of  her.  So I was forced to come out and braved  this unfriendly heat to look for her.  For several times, I called her name.. nothing!…  i stop under a young tree to take refuge under its shade and called again at the direction of the malunggay tree which is just opposite to where i'm standing.  still no movement.  I'm beginning to be impatient  because of the heat and huge sweats are now rolling down my face.  Then i happened to look up and..there she was!…  just looking straight at me!  .. and  in a sleek posing of a seductive model!! Grrrr!  Did she by chance changed her name?   But.. hey... wait a minute!… you look so good in that pose..  Hold on ‘Meng… don’t move!!! … and I hurriedly went back inside the house  and took the camera.     When I came back.. Oinks!.. she changed position.  Anyhow, just the same, i still took pics of her..  It's her first on height. Asking her to go down takes no effort as she climbed down hastily and run towards the door.             

Looking at the picture of the most innocent and most beautiful life I’ve ever seen next to my children… is my grandson, CoiCoi.  He’s so amazingly magnetic!  So beautiful..    He’s just lying down and asleep..   innocently unaware that  on his very first breath, he  faced his first  battle for life.  Unaware of the commotions inside the delivery room that greeted his coming,  he silently fought all odds.. the risks and dangers that threatened his life… and his mom’s.   Indeed  so young as less than 1 hour old,  he already had displayed his immense sense of courage and bravery and victoriously…survived!   I know it is all but part of God’s plan,  but I will also give credit to my grandson the life that he helped endure.  He’s a born survivor.  And I know, after this… no great dangers and trials will ever stop him to survive.  As God has given him this grace of strength from the moment he received life, then God will always be with him in every venture of his existence.

 Little CoiCoi,  just looking at your face sweetheart, I can’t just stop adoring you.  You’re the precious gift of my own precious one, your mom.   I just can't wait for the day that i will take you in my arms.  Though you can't hear me... nor see me yet... but your guardian angel will help you feel my love for you... Distance would never be a barrier for us...... I'm your granny Nanay, who will love you...and will always will!

Though I always make a peep on my blog every now and then… still I can’t  let my fingers work on the keyboard to drop an entry… until today.

 I had a brief chat with my hubby and learned that TIW-TIW is DEAD!  It didn’t made me scream  in grief, but it surely shattered my heart to pieces.  In fact, I am reading my exact entry about ‘her life’ when  with a single click… the news flashed on my screen.  I was shocked…and felt a cold cringe in my body after the news reached my heart.    

… all the while, I thought she would be there waiting for me.

 ..all the while… I thought I would laugh at her on our next meeting seeing how much she had grown during my absence.  

                               Now I know…. I was wrong.

Her so short  life of  3 months and 9 days  surely left a special  void in my heart… and in my husband’s.  She’s already been a part of our lives,  comfortably sharing each day together.  I might not be there with her  since I left for vacation , but my husband never ceased to update me about her and Memeng in our constant communications.

From the time she was born, April 27, 2007   up to  her death,  August 5, 2007, she never had known the fact that  we’re of different species.  All she knew… I was her mom!

I can’t go without fulfilling my long-overdue promise.  The updated life of…

                                      Tiw-tiw!

 It’s been quite a time that I promised to show the secret identity of  that ‘ chick hatched in my kitchen’.  (See Archive dtd Apr 27, 2007)  Now, I will unravel you her  true self  and  who her yaya was, ..her tormentor… and her confidante..   From the day she was ‘born’,  she still don’t know her real identity.  Up to this moment… she thought I was her mother! ..and she’s not a chicken!  Maybe when she’s matured enough....well, we too will reveal to her who she really is.   For the meantime, here's  her story…

---

   

This is when my life begun..  Underneath this tray is where I was born.  And these are my brothers and sisters…who unfortunately being refused to see the world… and thrown  to the pillar of fires… and later eaten by monsters who looks just like my mum and dad..hu..hu..hu.. 

---

This is my YAYA…my nanny… she won’t leave me for a second.  Her eyes are glued at me allllllllll  the time.  Mom is much more better in baby sitting me!  Often, mom would put me in front of the computer  with the study lamp on to keep me warm, while she blogs. Opps! Am i suppose to say that? Sometimes I’m tired under the lamp.. I just hopped to the keyboard and send cryptic messages to the monitor. Hahahaha..

Sometimes, I just stay on bed, and together take a nap with mom and that ..strict yaya!

This is my TORMENTOR…  same face,  but different identity!.   She won’t let me play by myself.  ‘coz she wants me to be her …toy!!!   Everytime I’m standing still, she would come past me and suddenly will sideswift me with a quick punch!  That would make my head move like a pendulum… lifting it up, left and right it goes.   Whoaaaah… ‘where’s mom?    so, I have to run to my mom, who will always come to my rescue. 

She would put me gently on her palm and  scold my antagonist.  Wait  when I grow up.. I promise you… you will pay… whoaahh!

And… this is my CONFIDANTE.  Hmmm.. same face huh?  Yah.. but  in a supreme role.  Though we have some trouble sometimes in communication… but  I am glad that she always listen to my secrets. 

 Ain’t that great?  She’s a real good listener and her head is full of advices.  I just hope she won’t gossip all my secrets  to anyone.  How my Ate Micmic loved to see us like this..  so loving…

 My gush…! Look!    

My yaya… my tormentor.. my confidante…  She’s  doing  exercise and aerobics ?!.  Got yah!  She never told me her secret how to stay trim!  Huh! Now I know.  hahahha…

Of course we have to grow up.   This is me now.                          

And my nanny?… she  became my friend.   I’m  heavier now that she can no longer push me aside.  Mom had transferred my pad at the back of the house to have a bigger space.  But,  she always see to it that I have a continued bonding with my  nanny, Memeng.  She would always carry me out from the back yard to the front where me and Meng will have a simple fellowship together.   

Oftentimes, I have my dinner in the garden, while mom waters the plants. Or, when mom will serve my meal at the back, Meng will tag along and stays there for a while.  Though sometimes mom have to force her inside because… stubborn as she is,  she just stay in my place  regardless of how many times mom calls her to get inside.  I wonder sometimes if she’s deaf ?   Well, yes..  she still do sometimes that little trick of hers .. that quick punching.. but, .. ha! I’m a grown up now and she can’t scare me anymore…hahaha. 

So far, this is my life here.  So contented with the love and care that my mom is giving me.  I will be missing her  so much while she’s away… but I always count the days till she comes back.  For sure, she will never guess how big I’ll turn out to be.  Meng and I will always wait for her return…. And we hope and pray that it will be soon ‘coz it  will never be the same without her….   Bye Mom!  enjoy your vacation  and  always remember… we’re here… waiting!    Meng and I  love you!!!

                                        ---  END ---

                                         ( for now..)

Last Friday  was one of the most significant day of my son’s life.  It was James’ Confirmation!  Parents like us can never been so proud seeing their son receiving this second sacrament of our faith.  My brother stood as his Godfather, while our role was just to stand behind our son and be witnesses.   It was solemnized by H.E. Rev. Bishop Paul Hinder, who usually  comes once a year in this part of the Gulf.

                                                            I was in a very good mood to do some cleaning in our kitchen yesterday.  Though this intense heat is irritating and giving me hard time to suppress my sweats,  it didn’t hinder me to  wiped clean all those electric device I have in that domain.  Taking a second glance at them, I sigh approvingly and  singing... turned my attention to my pots and pans, which seems to be contented in their temporary spot.  Well, now it’s time for you to be hauled up high where you belong and wait for the occasion where you  again will  act as heroes.  As I stretched my hand upwards, the cover fell with its edge headed straight on my big toe!  Arraayyyy!!!! My breathe stopped!.. only to give out a long supressed moan of pain…. Like a child I limped  to our bedroom for my husband…still moaning in pain --… yah… comfort or sympathy maybe coz there’s nothing to be pulled up from the damaged area.—  my eldest son tagging along with me and when I was seated at the edge of the bed,  reached his hand on my lower leg where i held in tight grip.  He tried to assist my hand to loosen my grip so he can check.  But it's not there...' it’s my big toe!  Confused, he laughingly asked me why then am I holding tight my leg?   Heavens!   i wanted to answer him... Of course I have to hold somewhere to supress the pain! or... would i rather hold and add pain on my toe? , but words were so difficult to mumble .. yet, tears  found so easy to flow down with those prolonggg  aruuuuuy..!   My husband also laughed as he asked  for alcohol and massage my toe with it.  This time, even in pain.. i can’t help but stop crying in the middle and question him  how on earth can alcohol  help?  i don't have any open wound?  Instead, I asked for ice! Is it not the right thing?  I thought so…  When the pain subsided and I reviewed  the experience we just had… a simple awareness came to my senses.  If we had  handled this simple incident confusingly…how much more if a real crisis comes?      

   That's right guys... you ought to be frightened!